joy

Gooooood - day my angels and welcome to another blog by me! Today I'm here to talk to you about Joy because if you couldn’t tell already I’m happy! To explain my happiness, I will tell a story. So last night I was going about my nightly routine. I was in the bathroom and my mom walked in. We talked for a bit and then I started laughing hysterically for no reason.The hysterical laughing lasted ten minutes and put a big smile on my mom’s face. Now normally, you would probably say “what the crap is going on?”. But last night was different, you see I had a rough day emotionally and I was really needing to relax and have a laugh. So my buddy, old pal, God decided that a laugh was just what I was going to get. He sent me such a laugh that I didn’t even know what I was laughing about and the special thing about it is that while I was laughing I didn’t think about the world. I didn’t think about what was going on. The weight of the world felt like it was off my shoulders and I was just laughing and having a good time. The lesson here, my friends, is that no matter what is going on in your life, a good laugh can always help. So be funny and laugh at your own jokes because the only one in the world who can stop you is the devil. So stay sharp and listen to what the Lord says. Thank you so much for listening, my angels, see you soon. 

 

Natasha Rose 

 

XOXO

hope

Hope. 

Hope is key. 

Its a key to being able to well, hope. 

Some kids hope for smarts, others for sports but the thing is that no one hopes for god anymore. 

Everyone assumes that we don't have to hope for something we already have but, thats not true at all. The truth is that we keep hope then more will come. if I excepted the fact that gods gonna heal me and stopped praying entirely, he wouldn't have power to heal me anymore. But if I keep praying and up keep my hope then that hope will translate into healing and I will fight cancer with hope.

 

Thanks Angels 

 

Natasha xoxo

 

So........... I fell

So… I fell

 

Now before you guys start blowing up the comments with the “are you ok?”’s and “are you hurt?”’s, I am OK. Nothings broken no blood it barely even hurt. Here’s what happened.

 

 So as you guys know my tumor makes my left side weak, as a result of this i fall A LOT. (my cousin calls it checking if the floor’s ok!) So it was a normal winter morning i woke up at 6 to go pee than I watched Netflix for 5 hours until my dad told me to stop being lazy you know, the usual.

 

I had some new pictures from Christmas that I wanted to hang on the wall in my room.  I told my dad where to put them and the first one he did was perfect.  Then I got up on my bed to go show him where I wanted the other one.  Everything was going nicely until I lost balance and my left side gave out.

 

I stumbled a little then caught my balance, then as I stepped to get off the bed, I stumbled once more, skyrocketing off the bed landing on my side table.  In that process I knocked over and broke a glass of water and almost impaled myself on sticks.

 

Now, I know that sounds bad but I’m honestly not hurt - we are just now short one glass.

 

The reason I say this is I think we all need to learn to laugh at the bad things in life.  At first I was in shock and it hurt a little bit, but within 5 minutes I was ready to make fun of myself for falling.  You guys are probably thinking, “Natasha, you fell off a bed.  You didn’t take a psychology lesson.”  But that’s where you are wrong.  You can learn the biggest things from the littlest things.  In some ways you can call it having something from nothing.  We can’t be hung on the things we are angry, embarrassed or sad about because the best things in life overthrow that that.  The amount of times you smile about things outnumbers the bad things by millions.

 

Hey, that reminds me of a saying I know, how does it go?  Oh yah: “Stay Happy and Live Long!

I hope you all do that in 2016.

Bye my angels,

-Natasha XOXO

Natasha's whimsical willow side table (sticks) was an old doll bed Mom made:)

Natasha's whimsical willow side table (sticks) was an old doll bed Mom made:)

THANK YOU # 2

 Hi everyone!

Today i’m am going to tell a very special story about some special people who are kind enough to give me amazing opportunities in life.

As many of you know there is a man named Mike Gillette who is the co-founder of thetruth365.com. He has an amazing heart, a wonderful goal in life, he does amazing things for kids like me and, he makes having cancer fun. Mike found my story through my blogs and since then he just won't leave me alone! (in the good way). He has set up amazing activities and, has given me opportunities i’d never even dream of. Before I knew Mike, I didn't have a sense of how big the childhood cancer community is. Mike has opened my eyes up to a hole new world of people who understand how I feel. 

I’ve only known mike for about half a year but, I can honestly say this: Mike, your like my second father. I sass you, I get mad at you and, when i’m around you I can speak my mind. You’v never once been mad at me and you always find the best out of a bad situation. You’v given me so much good in my life that I cant even begin to explain my gratitude. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

The next person is a man I haven’t known that long but, I can already tell i’m going to have a good relationship with. His name is Mr. Rusty and he, like Mike he has given me an amazing opportunity. He invited me to speak at a school called Vincent Massi. He teaches out door ed there and, He has had a very tough relationship with cancer, many of his family members have battled or are battling cancer so, he is very passionate about this topic.  

Mr. Rusty is the kind of person who likes to change the way things are. Being this kind of person he had to make sure the people he works for and students he teaches, care about cancer as much as he does. Vincent Massi has a huge terry fox day every year and, this year Mr, Rusty asked me to speak. Mr. Rusty, thank you so much for everything you have done to try to help this troubled world.

The last (but not least) person I would like to thank Is a young women named Mackenzie Porter. https://www.facebook.com/MacKenzie-Porter-254946974521171/timeline/ She is an amazing person and I would like to recognize her for that. Not that she’s a rising star in the county world <3. She has been kind enough to invite me into her world and, help me spread my message. Mackenzie you are an amazing singer, actor, song writer, violin player and, over all human being. Thank you for all the good you have brought to this world. 

Thank you for reading my thank you blog #2, I hope everybody's still listening to my story and your not getting bored.

goodbye my angles,

-Natasha XOXO

Mike and his family at CureFest 2015

Mike and his family at CureFest 2015

IMG_5336 (2).jpg
Natasha and Mr Rusty at Vincent Massy Junior High, Calgary AB Terry Fox Run Day 2015

Natasha and Mr Rusty at Vincent Massy Junior High, Calgary AB Terry Fox Run Day 2015

Mackenzie Porter invited me and my friend Sophie up onstage at her concert in Medicine Hat, AB 2015. Check out my u-tube channel to see me taking Mackenzie up on her gracious invitation for me to share my story.

Mackenzie Porter invited me and my friend Sophie up onstage at her concert in Medicine Hat, AB 2015. Check out my u-tube channel to see me taking Mackenzie up on her gracious invitation for me to share my story.

when the secret service gets involved

Hi everyone!

This is a very special blog because this is the story of what happened at the white house park on Saturday night from my point of view. 

If you don't know already don't worry, I will explain it all.

So it all started at the checkin table for the Cure Fest Welcome Dinner and, everything was going just as planned. I met so many amazing people, and had some very good food.

There were some speakers and a dance performance for two lovely girls who passed from DIPG.  After the dinner and presenters were done, everyone got together and started walking to the Whitehouse park for the candle lit vigil, where there would be speakers, poems and performances.  It was a beautiful night outside.  In fact, it was kind of hot.  But even so, the spirits were up because it was Cure fest and there was hundreds of people just waiting for the festivities to begin.

When we got to the gates to go into the park, we were stopped.  No one told us what was going on so we just waited, because like I said before, the spirits were very high.  While we waited there was singing and speeches through a microphone but even so, it didnt really help that we were waiting for 2 and a half hours.

After waiting for too long and going too late into the night for some of the kids, about a third of the group left, including me. After I left, they waited for about 20 minutes more, then gave up.

I felt enraged, sad and disappointed in the human race.  It might not have been the entire human race that made the mistake that night but it was people of high priority who I guess considered children with cancer and their parents a threat.

The next day, was the whole day of Cure fest and also the day I spoke.  I found out that day that apparently President Obama had left the White House from a door near the park entrance.  I have no idea how this relates to not letting parents and their kids with cancer in for a candle light vigil, but here is where it gets interesting.

At the beginning of my speech I gave a minute to talk about what happened the night before.  I talked about my feelings and that I actually went back to my hotel room and cried about it.  I was asking questions like Why do we seem like we are a threat.  We arent trying to hurt anybody.  We are just trying to save kids lives.

I quickly got over the fact that we didnt do the candle light vigil, but it still burned a whole in my heart.  The day turned out to be amazing.  I met so many awesome people and had such a good time. The time turned quickly and before I knew it I was up on stage doing my speech. (check out my Youtube Channel)

After the wonderful day of Curefest and meeting such great people, it had to wind down and come to a close.  I was sitting at a picnic table reading a comic book I got at one of the booths, when Mike Gillette came up to me with his phone and said The Washington Post is on the phone.  They want to interview you for a story.

I obviously said yes and answered questions like how do you feel about what happened last night and do you think president Obama should be blamed.  I answered truthfully and remembered to talk politely about president Obama.  I didn't realize how big of a deal this was.  Later that night back at the hotel room, my mom called me over to look at an article online - it was the Washington Post article!  It was insane.  Something that we thought was bad was turning out to be a great thing.  Childhood cancer was finally getting the attention it needed.

The next day I flew back home with my family.  Once we got off the plane, we realized we had been contacted by at least 5 media outlets.  I was shocked.  I didnt know it would blow up so much!  When we got home I had an in person interview and a Skype interview, then I could finally go to bed.

Early next morning I went to the CBC radio station to have an early morning interview on the Eyeopener.  After that I went to school, but not for long cause I had to come home for another skype interview at one oclock.  You can learn more about these on my Facebook page.

The final outcome of my feelings for this is Im glad it blew up quickly and childhood cancer got the right attention, but Im scared that people only focused on the part that the secret service had to apologise.  Im kind of tired having been through all this activity but I think it was for the best.

Bye my Angels.  Thanks for reading!!

HAPPINESS

Hi every one! 
Now before we begin i would like to say that I hope you guys had a great summer! I know most of you are thinking: what its not the end of summer yet. But, unfortunately my summer is winding down for school to start. And i'm not saying that I don't like school, its just that summer feels like it just began! 

Ok so now that thats done, i'm sure all very anxious to hear what the results of my MRI are. And I am very happy to say.................................................................

 


MY TUMOUR SHRUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                 

 

last day of radiation

hello every one.
it is with great pleasure i write to you that it is my last day of radiation. I would like to thank all of you who have supported me through out this journey. Also i apologize for not having blogs up lately. I have been really busy the past few weeks and i plan to get back on my weekly blogs!
Im not going to say this journey was horrible because i got to experience new things like blogging or a photo shoot! One of the things i learned from this was the prospective of a cancer kid. I have never really been connected with cancer in a special way and, now that i have that i feel it is my job to make a difference. I plan on devoting my life to tying to get more funding towards childhood cancer research. You might not know this but less than 4% of the cancer research funds go to child hood cancer research. THAT IS NOT ENOUGH!!!!! I am going to do every thing in my power to help weather its writing blogs or books or, speaking in front of crowds. i plan on using my passion of writing as a weapon against cancer and people who think the next generation don't matter. I mean if we found out why kids got cancer maybe we could prevent them of ever having cancer and then we would have healthy children and adults. I can just imagine a day where everyone had a vaccine as a child and there hole life was cancer free. I am fighting for a cancer free future, are you?
Check my youtube on Friday and there might be something a little more fun. hope you all have a great summer. 
thank you angels.
-NatashaXOXO

THANK YOU

Hello everyone,
I'm very sorry that I've had such non consistent blog updates, my kitten has kept me quite busy! However this update is a quick thank you to all of those who were able to come to the out door movie night. It was soooooo fun.  i was blown away by the turn out we had.
But in my news ill list the things in my life that has happened since we last spoke.
half way through my radiation party
celebrated my cousin Chelsea's birthday 
movie night and silent auction   
and if your wondering how my treatments been going...

I power through everyday with not even Ativan. my secret, Hold your breath till your m and ms come as your reward!

thank you once again for those who came out to the movie night! see you next time!
-Natasha XOXO  

My Kitten

hi everyone,

sorry its been ten days since you last heard from me, its just been to darn busy! Not only am i taking care of a rambunctious 9 week old kitten named Mia, i am over half way through my radiation! Because you all ready know what this blog is about ill just jump right in. 

starting with my new kitten.

If you haven't seen my Instagrahm at 04_04_faith, then you probably haven't seen my many photos of Mia! Mia is a 9 week old Persian main coon cross and she is quit a bit of a hand full. Mia has a very playful and sassy character, which leads to some mischief around the house. so far she has taken great interest in making messes, such as digging up dirt from our indoor trees pot. 

As cue as a kitten may sound or look, trust me only get involved if you have time. Cleaning up poop and other gross stuff is a big part of the job so don't go into mothering a kitten if you are grossed out easily. of course if you have other methods you can do what you like I'm just telling from experiences. 

But, overall i love her to bits and i guess i don't mind her shenanigans.

Here are some photos of Mia.

Me and Mia

Me and Mia

Mia checking out the blog...

Mia checking out the blog...

Thank you all for tuning in and see you on Tuesday.

Stay happy and live long😊

-Natasha XOXO

Struggle for bravery

hello everyone,
so I'm jus going to lay it down on you, this past week has been hard. Not only have i been an emotional wreck, i haven't been able to enjoy myself that much. Even though I've tried i cant get myself to that stage of "happiness". In order for this all to make sense to you, ill star you off were i last left off, Wednesday.  My Wednesday started off normally, i woke up at six and made breakfast. Then i sat and read my book till 11. At 11 my parents took me to the tom baker hospital for treatments, it was ok to begin with, they put my mask on and cleared the room. But once the radiation started i began getting a inside smell. I guess you could say it is a sensitivity to the beams. It smelt horrible. if you close your eyes and try and imagine 10 mouldy decrepit dead pigs, that have sat in the moist heat of California for a week, you have got my smell.  At first i tried to ignore it but as we neared the last bit were they have to come in and move the table to get an angle, i was gaging. just thinking of it made me sick. I told the nurses about it and they said it was normal and, that we could use air freshener to get rid of the smell.  It did not work. on Thursday i would not go back (my dad had to carry me out of the car) i dreaded that smell all week. But thank god for warm vanilla sugar! once they had me calmed down aka drugged so they get it over with, they laid me down put my mask on and sprayed warm vanilla sugar sented perfume EVERYWHERE then they left it in my hand for me to spray as i needed it. Despite our efforts by the end i was still gaging. 
The next morning was hard. i laid in bed for at least an hour and a half crying, dreading that i would have to go back. As much as i hate that place and what happens there and, even though i just wanted to run away and never come back. i couldn't. I couldn't because i have to try and fight. not for my sake but, for my parents sake. Trust me as bad as being a kid with cancer sounds, being a parent who's kid has cancer is 10 times worse. It breaks my heart knowing that they have to watch me go through this.

Ive now have been through 11 days of treatment. Some days are easier then others ill have to say. Ive resorted to holding my breath each time the buzzes go witch helps very little. As i can still smell it and get the sick feeling every time. Some days ill go in and cry for 20 minutes while other days ill go in, get it done and, come back out. Today i looked at my mom and said,
"i don't think i can take this for another 24 days"
All she did was start to get tears in her eyes. That reminded me that even when i feel like i have no strength, no courage i still have to try. I have to try for my mom, my dad, my brother, my Oma, my family, my pets, my friends and, most of all for me. I have to be brave and, I'm lucky to have all of you to help me.
Thank you all so much. i never realized that people actually cared what i though till now. I hope you all have had a great week.
Stay happy and live long:)
-Natasha XOXO 

Friendships and Family

Hi Everyone,


Sorry there was no update Friday, i was a little too tired to write. Anyways this week i would like to talk to you you about the importance of friends and family. I bring this topic up because my dear cousin Annika had her graduation on Saturday. I cant believe shes already done high school! Even though it was tiring everyone had a great time! All the girls were in gorgeous dresses and looked as if they were princesses. The food was good, we had a buffet style dinner (which was awesome!!!) and there were fireworks and a dance. My favourite part however, was the photo booth! It was free so i had a lot of fun, I got at 9 photo strips with my friends and family. Oh yeah, there were props too! Nothing is better then throwing on a funky hat with silly glasses to take a photo with your friends.

 

My Dad, Mom and Brother... I LOVE THEM SOOO MUCH

 

TONS OF FUN with my cousin Anika and her friends

 

Silly pictures with my cousin Chelsea

 

Left Picture: Back row...Anika, Liam, Auntie Anita  Front row...Me, Chelsea, Jada

Anyways, lets talk about why its important to spend time with your friends and families. When your with the people who care about you its easy to have a good time. I know for a fact its a lot more fun to sit and do nothing with your best friend then by yourself. When your with the caring, loving people who you are closest to, any old thing can have meaning.  Its this sentimental value called love. With this value ANY thing can mean a lot more. Even just eye contact can make you laugh. This is so important to having good times. Human interactions with our closest friends and family is healthy to our souls.  Without these good times our lives could be dull. I mean could you imagine a world with no excitement.

Close your eyes and imagine a place were there was no laughing, no good times no nothing...just plain, boring and grey. Now open up your eyes and tell me why we can live without good times. You cant right? This is why it is important to feed our souls. We need to have fun! Human beings are the only creature on this earth with the ability to lose focus of whats really important. We work so hard every day and then on Friday go home and sleep. We need to focus more on our interactions. We need to get out, have fun and, be ourselves. We can do this by spending time with our closest friends and family. When were with them, good times are had and memories are made. Its  really important to surround ourselves with an environment that makes us happy. Whether this means a mall or a forest you have to enjoy your self. Even if you enjoy being by yourself, being with friends and family is healthy.

i say this because when I'm feeling alone or sad, being with my dearest friends and family help. Even when i just want to curl up and cry I always have supportive people (like my mom) who helps me get back up and smile. :-) I understand there are people out there who may not be as lucky as i am. Some people feel like they are alone. thinking of this makes me sad. i feel everyone should have a special someone who cares about them and is there for them.  

I feel like people forget that asking for help doesn't make you weaker, it makes you stronger

Well i hope you all can take this knowledge and go and have a good time.
remember, stay happy and live long :-)


-Natasha
XOXO  

Steroids and Food

Food. what a glorious word.

It is the base of a good time and can be a life ruiner all at once. Food is a substance filled with glory and taste but, can also be dull and bad for the soul. Food can create wonderful memories but, in the same evening make you wish you had never taken that first bite. Food...lets talk about that.
This blog is going to be the most random piece of writing you'll ever come across. Well this site is the most random. Im getting to the point where I'm just mean girls "word vomiting" my ideas onto this page. And right i think its a good idea to invite you to talk about the wonderful topic of food. Today were going to cover a couple things. Keep in mind that i have not entirely thought these topics through. 

Cravings:
So I've had to take steroids; Dexamethasone all month to keep down the swelling in my brain. As much as I know there "helping" they are beginning to piss me off. I am an 11 year old girl with the appetite of a full grown male water buffalo. I have been eating like a pig. To what used to be a small slice of pizza is now an entire half the box with maybe even a few breadsticks. I think the reason for this is that the pills make it so all my knowledge is being pushed toward fighting the tumour. So this takes away my knowledge on how to tell myself that I've had enough food. So I'm basically, in my mind at least always hungry. The worst part is that i have cravings for all sorts of food. My cousin Chelsea had craving when she was on steroids but she craved only a couple things, chicken pot pie for sobeys and after 8 chocolate mints. She was predictable.  Me on the other hand am craving foods of all sorts, i am at the point were ill look or think of a food and then suddenly need it. this is aggravating because i tend to look at treats on Pinterest but, saying as though i have to keep my weight steady i try to stay off of those photos. Anyways back to my cravings, last week i woke up at 6 in the morning and made a burger. Thats right, i had a craving for a burger so i got up and made and ate a burger. Ive never had that happen before in my life. Not only do i crave food, ill eat a whole lot more as well. We were camping this weekend and my auntie made eggs Benedict. I had 3 and a half. Plus some potatoes and bacon. Then that same day i had 2 sausages some salad and 2 bowls of mac n cheese. Then the next morning i had a big plate of fruit, a big crepe, a side of eggs and, more bacon.  Then continued to eat throughout he day. As you can see I am unstoppable. The amount of food i am consuming is insane. And it does not help that food is everywhere. I mean were at the day in age where its hard not to walk out of the shower and find some sort of connection with food. whether its thinking about what you ate already or, what your planning on eating. It is impossible to stay away from the topic of food. Here i am asking you as we come to an end of topic, how do you handle cravings? I need to know if there is a way out there to not think and need. Anyone please help.

2) Healthy snacks:
I do not want to sound like a health freak on this topic but its something i feel we all need to consider. With my constant need for food, spreading Nutella on everything wont cut it. Yes it tastes good but it isn't really good for you. when I'm hungry (or my mind tells me so) i have to look through the cupboard trying to find something thats quick, easy and, healthy. when i look for something like this i have to make sure that I'm not putting in more effort then ill get a reward. In other words i don't like working too hard for a snack. the world would be so much easier if you could snap your fingers and have a good healthy meal in front of you. But, then again if that was a thing maybe the world wouldn't have an issue with weight and unhealthy food anymore. the lord decided that people would have to work for food and prizes so, because i honour the lords decisions I'm going to talk about how to make quick healthy snacks that wont necessarily make you "fat". I recently watched a video on how great mangos are for you. They are apparently the best fruit you can eat. Me being the experimenter i am, i went and made a mango strawberry smoothie. I added yogourt, frozen fruit and, fresh fruit. I also want to resist the temptation to add syrup or any other type of natural sweetener. I have not noticed a huge difference in my health but, i did not have much mango either. I will continue to update you on my experimentation with the magic fruit called mango. To find out why you should eat mango everyday go to:

http://preventdisease.com/news/13/051713_17-Reasons-Why-You-Need-a-Mango-Every-Day.shtml

I am however finding it hard to find quick, easy and, healthy mango snacks. If you find something please leave me the recipe down below. The one thing i was able to find a lot of was popsicle recipes involving mangos. A 20 minute yoga work out and a mango smoothie each day. This is going to be my gameplay.  

Ok so it wasn't a simple 3 but those were 2 topics i really wanted to talk about. I feel with the world we live in today food is a growing problem. With our needs and expectations rising its getting harder to feed our bellies. 
I hope you enjoyed todays topics. I will be sure to see you all Friday for my next entry. Love long and live happy:)

PS. I will not be doing vlogs as often as it is beginning to be too much. Im really sorry i know some people don't like to read but blogging has always been some thing i ENJOY doing. I'm so sorry once again.

-Natasha  XOXO

Fears

Hello everyone,


On Tuesday I talked to you about positivity and keeping your head up in rough situations. Today I would like to look a little closer on what those rough situations may include.   Thats right, get your snorkels on because we are going in deep, we are talking about fears. Be it fears of snakes, spiders or, even death. Everyone has them and they all have some sort of impact  on our life. When people encounter fears they look at them like a challenge and realize they have 2 options. 1, they can let there fears control them and make them scared to move on to greater happier things in life, or 2, they keep there head up move forward to face that fear. No matter what it is. Lets start with something simple like explaining why i want to talk about fears in the first place.
I have a fear. My fear is a fear that deep down inside i feel everyone has. I am scared of dying. I am scared that not only will i lose the life i have worked so hard to build but, that i will not get to grow up and live a long and healthy life with the mile stones i was hoping to have. Theres a point almost everyday were i ask myself "will i get to watch my toddler take his/her first steps across my living room floor?" Will i not get to experience all the great memories every person should have during the course of there long happy lives? Ever since i was a little girl I have always looked forward to walking down the isle in a remake of my Oma's dress about to get married to the one i love. Now I'm not even sure if ill get to graduate high school. I dread this so much. I don't think you understand how scary it is to not be entirely sure that ill survive. I understand no one knows what lies ahead but i still get worried not having the slightest bit of a plan. Although i have all the support anyone could ever ask for i still don't know what to do. When I'm in need i have my mom and family, when I'm confused i have my thoughts an even more support. ive got everything i need except for one thing... i don't know i actually need these things. it feels like ive done absolutely nothing and have been given all the gifts in the world. it gets to a point were i almost feel guilty for getting all these gifts. even though deep down inside i know i really like them and would be torn to pieces if i was not as lucky as i feel i am, they just don't feel right. I guess what I'm trying to say is that i don't want to seem like a spoiled brat who takes advantage of the people around her, thats another one of my fears.😕

Anyways back to my fear of dying. It was last week when i realized i had this fear. it just came to me when i was asking god if i was going to get to grow up. it was then when i had the realization (the first step to facing a fear). when you realize something of that significance it just gives you an epiphany of an acceptance process. this process so to speak is different for everyone. when your accepting that theres a monster under your bed or, you freak out in small spaces this realization stage has to happen. once you realize you just have let it sink in. My process of sinking in went somewhat smoothly (for it was not hard for me to accept). I am not the kind of person who finds it hard to accept when i cant do something. That might be different for others though. See when i face a challenge that i can live with, i most likely will just go with it. But, there are some people in the world who would be stubborn to do that. These people are real perseveres, they are the folks who will do anything and everything to face that challenge, there for will find it hard to admit a weakness or a fear. luckily for me admitting that I'm scared of dying isn't exactly the toughest thing. Its actually quite easy. Any ways whether it was easy or hard once you have accepted it you have finished step 2 to overcoming your fear.

Lets quickly recap those steps:
1)realization ( the epiphany that you have a fear)
2)acceptation ( accepting that you have a fear and letting it sink in)


And this brings us to our final stage. this stage gives you an option after everything we've talked about, this gives you the freedom to decide wether you 1: face your fear or, 2: live on with this fear and, make it part of your life.  I have absolutely no idea what i should do at this point. I'm clueless. I also cant decide wether or not being clueless is a bad thing. Its hear were you guys can do your part to help me. saying as i have no idea what decision I'm gong to make I'm  asking you for your opinion.

lets go over my choices.
My fear: i am scared of dying.
option 1: i can let this fear sit inside me while trying to live my life happily. lets look at pros and cons to that.
pros:
- i don't have to worry about living up to expectations
i don't have to work my self up over making a gameplan

cons:
 i might live with this fear not knowing what could happen
it might eat me inside out making me want to rip my hair out

option 2: i can stand up again face my fear and live on.

pros:
 it wont be eating me inside out
my mom says not to be scared of anything because she tells me my life is in gods hands, i find courage whenver i think of these words. 
it will be one less thing to worry about

cons:
 it will be one more thing i have to be done with
it adds on to my list of things i need to complete in order to be happy


Wow that was hard. its not very easy trying to make a decision like this (especially when you don't know much about your options).  well i hope ive given you enough to work with because honestly i need your help. please comment down below what you think I should do. oh and also make sure to tell me about a time were you had to face a fear. Thanks for reading everybody. i hope you can catch me Sunday for the vlog and Tuesday for my next entry. don't forget to subscribe to youtube and remember everyone stay happy live long:)

-Natasha
XOXO

Positivity

Hello everyone,
When we last left off I was telling you all about the shock and surprise this diagnoses was to my world. This update I want to focus on a little bit more on a positive note and/or take on this. I have have decided that it is not the end of the world, It turns out It can actually be just the beginning. I am facing a long hard journey ahead and I know it's not going to be easy. I am still confused by a lot of things but I do understand that I'm not alone. I realize I'm not the only 11 year old kid out there who has DIPG and I understand many have it much worse. I would also quickly like to apologies for my websites name. Pray for Natasha may sound selfish coming from me myself but I can assure you that I was not the one making that decision. Like I said earlier it was not me who came up with the name it was my close friends and family. I can see that you may think it sound cheeky when I ask you to pray for my needs but I don't believe asking for help is a bad thing. 

"In tough times when no doors or windows would open to the call of needing, it was the light of kindness that knocked down the walls"
me

Ok I know that is really deep but I feel it's something we need to touch base on. In the past I have have known people who think asking for help or being in need makes you weaker. I would like to let you all that (how ever I accept that opinion) I do not agree. If we all lived in loneliness with no interactions of love or kindness, this world would be a dark place. Our interactions as humans is the very reason we have iPads, religions, and equality. Our kindness and love towards each other helps bring us together to overcome problems in science, math of overall conflicting opinions. If Steve jobs did not have the support and encouragement of his peers I bet you I wouldn't be sitting hear writing this blog post on my iPad Air which was generously given to me by me loving family members from down in America. 
This brings me to another challenge, my family is Christian meaning we believe in the Heavenly Father and that Jesus died on a cross for our sins as a sacrificial offering to let us live in peace. This also Implies that we pray to God in times of need or challenge. I know not everyone who reads this will have the same religion or faith that we do so I understand it be would be unfair to focus only on asking you to pray. I also do not want to make this a Christian only site. I believe that living along side each other and ignoring our differences is one of the strongest things we can do. There for when I ask you to pray I will now say hope help or heal. I believe that this will help get the message across that even if you do not believe in God or a god you can still do my family the honour of helping in this time of need. I ask you to let go of our differences and find some sort of hope to help get my family through this.  

Each week I will try to give you a challenge or question for you to answer in the comments. This week I challenge you all to find the most deep and sad quote ever (you can make one up) and then work as hard as you can to give me reason to believe that it should make me happy. I'm asking you to make a sad thing a good thing. Try as hard as you can to make the best of a bad situation.

Stay strong my friends,
-Natasha xoxo
Ps. Go subscribe to my YouTube Channel for weekly vlogs.

The Beginning

As most of you know this entire week has been quite a shock...on Friday May 1st 2015 my mom had to take me to the hospital. I had been feeling weakness in my left arm and leg and started seeing double vision. When we got to the hospital they gave me an MRI right away, which was really scary and it sucked!! They told me the MRI was only going to take 30 minutes but when they saw my brain they kept me in there for an hour and a half. They had found a tumour near the healthy tissues of my brainstem. they diagnosed it as DIPG (Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma) which is a cancerous tumour that is really hard to treat. It was overwhelming at first because my parents came back from talking with the doctors and had tears in their eyes. I was terrified with what the results could have been, I had many thoughts of diseases in my mind but not once did i think a brain tumour or cancer. With my initial reaction, I was waiting for someone to say "April Fools" but I then realized that it was May 1st and that time was over. It would have been a nasty joke but i was praying with all my heart that that was what was going on. My mom and dad were there that day every step of the way supporting me and even the doctors gave me a baby needle for the IV.

Still shocked I went home, had a bath and tried to relax. Not too long after my brother came in crying, and I think he was more scared then I was. He went for a bike ride to blow off some steam and I waited patiently for him to come home so we could talk. This whole incident hit my family like a rock to the head, but the next day was even harder. At least 20 people came through my house with support, love and hugs. On Monday I went to school for the morning and telling my friends was the hardest of them all. Many tears were shed that day and all because of a stupid brain tumour!! My friends that i have known the longest were the most difficult to tell, I had to be soft on them but still get the point across. Everyone kept on telling me that I wasn't going to die and that it was nobodies fault, but i think it is easier to blame someone or something then accept it as bad luck. I had a hard time understanding that it was only bad luck and God did not put this upon me but that we will help take it away. after me and my friends finally accepted it, we went on our day like normal, like nothing was wrong. We laughed, we smiled and we lived on.

I think the most supportive person out of all of this would be my older cousin, Chelsea. She has been there beside me since the beginning and always brings on a  good laugh, she understands what I am going through because  throughout her life she has had 2 open heart surgeries. Once when she was a baby and once when she was 15, she knows its not easy but she knows it can be dealt with. All my cousins and my mom put up a Facebook post asking everyone to pray for god to heal me. it went viral the first couple of days and before you knew it, everyone was praying. 

I am so thankful for all the love and support everyone has been giving me and would like to thank everyone who has been nice and supported me through Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, etc. 

I would love everyone to follow my blog and I will be taking everyone with me through this journey. I will write another entry on Tuesday Night.

Much Love,

Natasha Rose xoxo

Thursday update:)

hi everyone,

just posting to tell you all that i will have twice a week update on my fight against DIPG brain cancer. my posts will be most likely on Fridays and Tuesdays about the fun support and overall life. i invite you to join me on this journey i am taking for the support and the love is great:) thanks for reading.

-Natasha